It seems like only a day ago I had just heard about the Madrid study abroad trip Appalachian offers during the summer. I spent days debating whether or not it was the “right” decision to go or not. Was this what God wanted for me? Was this too dangerous? Could I handle something this far out of my comfort zone? I prayed about it a whole lot, asking for direction. After not really getting a distinct yes or no answer, I decided to concretely make a decision for once in my life.
Here I am a couple months later, getting ready to leave for Madrid in a few hours. It still seems very surreal to me. I’ll only be there for a month but right now as I stand at the entrance to a complete unknown chapter of my life, it seems terrifying. I’m sure the reasons for NOT going overseas outweigh the reasons TO go. But I guess I didn’t listen to those.
For a while I was weary about whether or not to go. But as I sit here with butterflies and knots filling my stomach to the brim and excitement running through my veins, I know it was the “right” decision. Only a couple months later after I had decided to embark on this journey to Spain, I found out about CRU’s summer study abroad program. I had no clue what it was, but I knew I was nervous about going to Spain and straying from God so I went for it and submitted my application. I got an email a few weeks later saying I had been accepted. That email was a game changer for me. I was so excited that I had the opportunity for this trip to be a trip of ministry. It is so interesting to look back and see how God used this trip that I was unsure of to point me even more to Him. And to see how I would have NEVER done this a couple of years ago, I would have been too afraid, but how much bolder he has made me.
So, here I sit, with a CRU Study Abroad tool kit filled with daily devotionals and ministry tools to focus my attention on Him while I’m overseas. I have no clue what to expect. So many things in me scream that I’m not cut out for this, that I’m going to screw up. That I will be tempted and walk away from God. That this is stupid. That I will be too passive to share my faith. That this will be too much for me to handle. These feelings and thoughts have been coming and have not relented for the past few days. However, I am learning something as I prepare for the road ahead.
This trip isn’t about me. I cannot do anything without him or on my own strength and power. In fact, I am SO weak on my own. As I go up in the airplane today, terrified of the negative possibilities, I HAVE to rely on him. I have to cling to Him. At the end of ourselves and our comfort zones, we realize that we have nothing. I am learning now more than ever what trusting in God really means. It is trusting that he will be with me, he will guide me, he will protect me, he will equip me. And even if I have nothing else, He still reigns. He is sovereign over this small state of North Carolina and He is sovereign over the huge country of Spain. He is God of all and he has a heart for all people. Going on this journey shows me how small I am, how small we all are but how HUGE God is. And I don’t want to let my fear take a hold of the beautiful possibilities that will come out of this trip. It would be easy to give way to fear and dread, but how much better it is to say yes to Jesus and to let Him have my heart as I go on this adventure with Him.
So, I’m so excited to be leaving for study abroad in Madrid. I’m excited to see what happens, what relationships are formed, and how I’ll behold God in a totally new way. And all along, I’m excited to continue with the eternal kingdom mindset, knowing that this trip and this life are not about us, but all about our Creator and His Son who he gave for us.
Psalm 148: 7-13
Praise the Lord from the earth,
you great sea creatures and all ocean depths,
lightning and hail, snow and clouds,
stormy winds that do his bidding,
you mountains and all hills,
fruit trees and all cedars,
wild animals and all cattle,
small creatures and flying birds,
kings of the earth and all nations,
you princes and all rulers on earth,
young men and women,
old men and children.
Let them praise the name of the Lord,
for his name alone is exalted;
his splendor is above the earth and the heavens.
bind my wandering heart 